8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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