The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
