I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
