We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
