do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
