I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
