someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
