We're like a lot better than the average bears
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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