Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
