maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
