I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
