she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
