Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just invented taco cereal.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
