dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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