she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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