grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
