Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
