Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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