I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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