AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
