My first STD was from a foam party
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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