I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone shit on the floor
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
