btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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