Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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