I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Boobs speak an international language.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
