u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
