"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
