Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
