well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
