you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
