Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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