Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
