Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
