Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
