I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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