my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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