Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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