So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
