he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
