Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
