He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
