She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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