twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
