so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
