im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
