At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I understand Curling. That high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
