why didn't you poke me back
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
