I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you had me at cake vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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