I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
