I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
