I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
